


like an ember, glowing

by chxrrywhine



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: (no beta we die like tim the paramedic), Drabble, Episode Tag, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chxrrywhine/pseuds/chxrrywhine
Summary: Eddie makes a noise in the back of his throat, nods. “You’re thinking about Chris.”“Yeah.”“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. “I miss him too.”set during the car ride to austin, texas, in which buck realizes that he is a dad (or something like it) and conversations are had (and avoided).
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 278





	like an ember, glowing

It kills him to be away, simply put.

Buck always thought when he finally settled down and had kids— _if_ he finally settled down and had kids—life on the rig would be nothing more than a distant memory, fond memories to look back on while balancing a toddler on his knee.

Christopher Diaz was unexpected, though. Christopher knocked him over with all the force of a hurricane, plowing through all his walls and defenses like a freight train. Whether he was the wrench in Buck’s loosely constructed life plans or the knot holding them together was yet to be determined, but goddamn did he love that kid. He’s not complaining, though. How could he? That precious kid is his lifeline, the reason for his smile most days, and, for a minute there, his only connection to sanity. So yeah, it kills him to be away.

He’s excited to be on special deployment to Austin, don’t get him wrong. Regardless of the shitty circumstances, he’s been waiting on this ever since he joined the 118, and he’s thrilled. But having to watch Christopher’s face fall over FaceTime when he learned that both he and Eddie would be gone for a few days was not his idea of a good time.

Hen slaps a hand on his bouncing knee, stilling it, and levels him with a look. “You wanna tell me what’s going on or are you just gonna keep getting on my nerves the entire damn ride?”

Eddie looks at him curiously, and Buck doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to tell Eddie that he misses his kid: his laughter, his smile, his quick wit. But as it turns out, he doesn't have to.

Eddie makes a noise in the back of his throat, nods. “You’re thinking about Chris.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. “I miss him too.”

Hen looks between the two of them, eyebrows raised. Her gaze settles on Buck, a mixture of _aww_ and _what the fuck_ , but he makes sure to ignore her.

“He’ll be in good hands.” Eddie kicks Buck’s boot with his own. Lets his foot rest there, pressed against Buck’s. “Abuela’s got him taken care of.”

“I know.” He does, in fact, know this. But knowing something and believing it are two very different things. Any number of things could happen while they’re gone. Buck knows from experience that an average day can turn into a nightmare within a fraction of a second. His leg starts bouncing again, even as he laughs at how ridiculously overprotective he’s being. “Is it always like this for you?"

“What, missing him? Worrying about him?”

“Both.” Eddie laughs. “Oh, man. Every second of every day.” He meets Buck’s eyes, smile sliding into something quieter. “Gives me something to come back to, though. Plus, I know if he’s out there, it’s my job to keep him safe. That’s what being a parent is.”

Eddie looks at him, eyes deep and searching, though what he’s looking for Buck couldn’t say. But there’s something in his eyes. Something that makes Buck’s heart race, that makes his hands sweat. He feels like he’s on the verge of _something_ , teetering on the edge of a steep cliff, only he doesn’t know what he’s on the edge of, or how far he has to fall before he’s swimming headfirst in whatever comes next. Out of the corner of his eye, he looks at Hen who looks like she’s trying desperately to disappear into the seat. She looks between them, shakes her head, then plugs her headphones into her ear.

Eddie’s eyes still haven’t left his face.

Buck wipes his hands on his pants. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He doesn’t know why he asks, or why his voice is so soft when he says it. All he knows is that the atmosphere has changed, intensified.

He’s reminded, suddenly, of that day with Abby, the child stuck in the swimming pool. He’d been one misstep away from being barbecued and even that moment didn’t feel as intense as this one.

Their surroundings fade.

Everything fades except for the man in front of him.

Eddie shrugs. He leans his head back until it’s resting against the headrest, his eyes heavy-lidded. “Nothing. No reason. I just—” He huffs a laugh. “I don’t know what I expected when I came here, but you definitely weren’t it.”

Buck doesn’t know how to take that. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Eddie says immediately. He didn’t even have to think about it. “Definitely not a bad thing.”

Buck opens his mouth to inquire further because there’s something he’s missing here, something just out of his reach, but instead what comes out is a loud yawn.

“Get some rest, Buck.” Eddie moves his boot from Buck’s; Buck hadn’t even noticed they were still touching. The loss of contact makes him feel irrationally colder. “We’ll be there before you know it.”

“Yeah, okay. Wake me up when we’re a half hour out?”

“I will if I’m awake.”

“Thanks,” Buck says after a moment’s hesitation. It’s only one word, but it feels heavy on his tongue, weighed down by all the things he doesn’t yet know what to say.

Eddie nods back at him, face softening. “Sleep.”

And Buck does. He leans against the window, closes his eyes, and lets the vibration of the truck rock him to sleep immediately.

**Author's Note:**

> talk buddie to me @viciousgods on tumblr


End file.
